Most salons have at least one team member that is not like the others, a.k.a. the outcast.
Maybe a couple people don’t fit in with the community or maybe even you, and you’re not sure why. Or, for some of you, you’re the outcast, and you don’t even know it. You think you’re in with the community, but you’re doing one of these six types of outcast behavior without knowing that you’re being put in that box.
Today we’ll break down each of the six types of outcast, explore the traits, and how to deal with each type. If you are that outcast type, we’ll dig into what to do to work your way back into the community.
By breaking down these types, you can self-diagnose or take a look at the team as a whole, better understand where they’re coming from, and hopefully bring the entire team back together to a place of peace.
The Overachiever
Nearly every salon has an overachiever; sometimes it’s the owner or the top stylist. They can carry themselves in multiple ways, but they share a lot of common characteristics:
· Make more money than 75% of the other stylists
· Have the largest social media following
· Have some industry acknowledgment
· Achieved rewards, certifications, or accolades
The irony is overachievers have what most of us want. We like to be acknowledged when we do things well. When people start achieving all those things that we want, we can ice them out because they aren’t in the struggle, fighting the good fight with everybody else anymore.
But what’s the difference between being that ice queen and somebody who’s an inspiration and a role model?
· An overachiever talks down to other stylists, chooses not to participate, makes fun of what newer stylists are doing, or acts better than because they’re insecure.
· A role model lifts the whole team up because they realize the salon is only as strong as the weakest link.
If you are an overachiever, start the shift by mentoring, officially or unofficially. Make it your goal not to be the queen bee, but to work for the best salon in the city. Make a genuine effort every single day to connect and humanize with up-and-coming stylists.
Stay humble, grounded, and ask questions of the newbies. Don’t act like you know everything. Really connect and give back because it will come back twofold.
The Know-It-All
We’ve all met the know-it-all. They’ve done all the research, have a clear-cut plan for success, and are always working to be one step ahead. You might be the know-it-all if you:
· Feel like you’re working harder to educate yourself than the rest of your team
· Work harder on social media than everybody else
· You’re genuinely eager and excited to do more work than the rest
· You aren’t yet financially successful, your books still have gaps, or you’re an assistant who hasn’t earned street cred.
Here’s the thing about being the know-it-all: you will likely grow into the overachiever. However, when you’re still new to the industry, you haven’t quite cut your teeth yet so you don’t get to be the top dog.
The know-it-all is judged by jealousy, just like the overachiever. However, they “come in hot.” When you come into the salon as a newer stylist, assistant, or even an experienced stylist with gaps in your books and you’re talking, talking, talking, people can be turned off.
If you’re the know-it-all, take a step back and be the observer. It may take time (as in months) to heal. It’s possible that your reputation has already been established and you may have to leave your salon to get a fresh start. But it’s also possible, with some humility, to admit that you were coming in a little hot and that you are taking a step back to build trust back up.
Go with the flow and genuinely connect with your team. When they share a struggle, don’t try to fix it. Just connect for a minute. As those connections build, people will turn to you for advice and want to celebrate your success. Once you have the support, you can fly, but if you come in hot, they’ll be fully turned off instead of cheering you on.
The Bully
You might be a bully and not even know it. The bully generally has a lot of surface level friendships at the salon, but they are fear-based. You might be the bully if you:
· Are brutally honest
· Like to tell people how it is
· Think everybody should pay their dues
· Often find yourself very unhappy with your job
· Feel like you’ve earned the right to demand respect
· Find yourself saying at least one mean thing about one fellow co-worker every week
Often the bully doesn’t feel like an outcast; they feel like the cool person. But if you ask other stylists, they’ll say:
· “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”
· “Better be on her good side than her bad side.”
· “She’s tough, but she really softens up when you get to know her.”
The hard part about being the bully is they feel like the overachiever, but they either get fired or leave because their ego gets in the way of their success.
Bullies generally fight the system. They judge instead of partnering to fight their own insecurities and inadequacies, instead of changing themselves.
If you’re the bully, you’re likely unsatisfied with your job and misery loves company. You bring others down with you and, unfortunately, as a salon owner, you’re only as strong as your weakest link. If you have a salon filled with misery where people talk about the clients and each other, it’s not going to last.
Here’s the way out and, if you’re a bully you’re not going to like it: Commit to a 30-day good vibes only challenge. Don’t talk negatively about your peers or your clients. Just be present to what you’re really in the salon for. Be positive, open-minded, and stop thinking negatively about other people. You might end up happier and making more money.
Focus on the work and connecting with the team for 30 days. If you’re still tempted to fall back into your old ways, it’s likely time to find another salon.
The Misfit
We all know the misfit. Misfits generally don’t last very long. You might be a misfit if:
· The other stylists barely talk to you
· You dress differently
· You think differently
· Your weekend activities are different than those on your team
· Your clients feel a little out of place
· You tend to be quiet when you’re at the salon
You might be an incredible stylist who would do really well in another salon; this just might not be the salon for you.
But before we decide if you’re a misfit, we need to figure out if it’s a confidence issue or a true mismatch. Look at the other stylists in your salon. Do you wish you were more like them? Do you wish you dressed like other stylists or talked like them? Maybe the situation may not be that you’re the misfit, but you want to be a part of the community. You just don’t know how. You can make some shifts to grow into a part of this team.
Create a vision board for your life. How do you want to dress? What do you want your business to look like? What do you want your clients to look like? If that vision can happen in your current salon, you are what needs to change.
If you’re an outcast, it’s so easy to blame other people in the salon. Maybe you chose a salon full of bullies and you’re the misfit. But a lot of the time we need to take a look at ourselves to see if there’s something we can do to become the person we want to be.
If you’re at your salon because the education and reputation are great, but you don’t want to be anything like the people there, plan for rocky waters and plenty of tears. All the education, money, and all the other things in the world aren’t worth it if you aren’t in the right community.
The Kiss Up
You know the kiss up. We met her in third grade, right? She exists in every area of life.
You might be a kiss up if:
· You spend a lot of time with management
· You’re a stickler for the rules and remind others about them
· You apologize too much, even for things you shouldn’t apologize for
· You think that being in good with the boss is the way to advance
· Peers will say to you, “Well, we can’t tell you because you’re just going to run to the owner.”
· Your allegiance to the owner is known
Generally, owners LOVE kiss ups because they follow the rules, come on time, are respectful, and often tell the owner all the gossip. The problem is that behavior is out of the ordinary. The owner can be respected, but the team has its own bond as well. But when one stylist is more allegiant to the leader than to the others, it creates a really difficult dynamic.
As leaders, resist the relationship a little bit and encourage them to connect with the team because that’s where relationships will be the strongest.
If you’re the kiss up, your allegiance to the team should come first. That being said, you’re generally very well-suited for a leadership position because you respect authority and you like roles and structure. It’s a good idea to talk to your leader about some additional opportunities instead of being seen by your peers as a little bit of a know-it-all and kiss up, and isn’t included in the other activities the team does.
The Boss
If you’re the owner or salon leader and you feel like the outcast, you aren’t alone. There’s a lot of owners that felt they were going to build their power team, but two years in, they’re just the boss. You are the gatekeeper and authority is always a bit separated from the rest of the community because you have the weight of the business in your position.
If the words “We can’t afford it” cross your lips, you’re a boss. If your team meetings have an angry tone, you talk about how you’re burnt out, or people are fearful of you, you’re the boss, and you’ll be the outcast until you change.
Instead of being “the boss,” be the leader. Be your stylists’ partner and work for them to make the salon the best place it could be. Your stylists should know you mean business, but also that you’re their greatest ally. You are there to be a leader, guide them, and keep the ship sailing forward.
If somebody on your team is an outcast (or even if it’s you!), use this post to move forward and make new connections with your community. It might take a little work, a little time, and maybe even be a little uncomfortable, but it’s so worth it!