Intro: Do you feel like you were meant to have a kick-ass career as a hair stylist? Like you got into this industry to make big things happen?
Maybe you’re struggling to build a solid base and want some stability. Maybe you know social media is important, but it feels like a waste of time because you aren’t seeing any results. Maybe you’ve already had some amazing success, but are craving more. Maybe you’re ready to truly enjoy the freedom and flexibility this industry has to offer.
Cutting and coloring skills will only get you so far, but to build a lifelong career as a wealthy stylist, it takes business skills and a serious marketing strategy. When you’re ready to quit, just working in your business and start working on it, join us here, where we share real success stories from real stylists.
I’m Britt Seva, social media, and marketing strategist just for hair stylists, and this is the Thriving Stylist Podcast.
Britt Seva: What is up, you guys? And welcome back to the Thriving Stylist Podcast. I’m your host, Britt Seva, coming to you with another episode that is very much a you-asked-I-answered, by the people for the people. You guys created all of the content for this episode.
Over the last about two weeks in the United States, we have had conversations and been put in position and have seen things like I’ve never seen before in my lifetime. Many of us have been pushed outside of our comfort zone. I have received hundreds – if not a few thousand – questions, DMs, emails, comments, asking questions like, “What am I supposed to post on social media?” And then “What do I say when I post? What should I not say?” And then “How can I emotionally prepare for these riots? I hear that there might be a riot in my community. What am I supposed to do?” “Why are we all talking about black lives matter right now?” “How do I improve my business model to be more inclusive?” “How do I support the black community?” “Is it okay to say the word black community?” And then, of course, I got a lot of, “Britt, stay in your lane. You’re a business coach, not a politician.”
I’ve heard it all. I have seen it all. I’m here for it and I’m not going to take a political route. I’ve never gone that route in my business. But as your business coach, if you’ve chosen me, if you’re listening to this episode, you follow me on Instagram, you’re a part of my programs or any other way, I’m here to support you. And I’m here to support you in having bold, awkward, uncomfortable, weird conversations during this time. If I don’t, who will? These conversations are happening, whether it’s happening here with you listening to my podcast, I’m sure you’re having them in your home. You might be having them in the salon. You might be having them over texts with friends. You might be engaging in questions and comments and feeds on social media, but these conversations are happening.
And whether you agree with what I say or my opinions or not, it doesn’t matter. I want to speak to the conversations that are happening and the questions that are likely coming up for you. I want to talk to those who have sent me hundreds of messages, asking for imperfect guidance. I’m going to say, it’s going to be imperfect because I have a lot of the same questions that you do. My only potential minor advantage is I have spent most of the last two weeks saying less and educating myself more.
One of the things that I very openly and vulnerably shared with my team is I have never felt so under educated in my entire life. I wish that I had more of the tools to have just all of the right answers. So I don’t.
So through this episode, I’m going to be sharing a lot of just personal experience of what I’ve learned over the last few weeks. I’m going to be noting some of the people I’ve learned from, and I hope that you are able to keep following along with me. And I just empower you to do the same and I help you to overcome any fears or anxieties you might be having about having some of these conversations.
So let’s start right at the top with the most awkward question and listen, why am I talking about the awkward questions? Because why do any conversations or questions feel awkward because they’re happening outside of our comfort zone. And I have said this a hundred times and I’ll say it again, nothing good comes from comfort zones.
If we don’t push outside of our comfort zone, how do we grow as human beings? That’s, I mean, the rule in any relationship, any situation, anything. So I’m just going to have the uncomfortable conversations and you know what? I might screw some of them up along the way, but I’m going to learn. I’m going to better myself and encourage you to do the same.
So one of the big questions I get – and if you’re somebody who asked us, do not be embarrassed because we’re going to talk about it – is, “Why are we talking about Black Lives Matter right now? Why is that such an important point in conversation?” I got that a lot. And when somebody asked me that there was almost always shame in the question because most people who asked weren’t coming from a place of, “I can’t believe we’re talking about this.” It was true lack of education. Like “I seriously want to know, but I don’t know. So can somebody help me?” And the challenge is if you’re to ask that question, “Why are we talking about Black Lives Matter?” right now in a public forum, there’s a really good chance that you’re going to face some backlash and it’s scary, right? Because it makes us feel what vulnerable and vulnerable feels scary to most of us. And so I want to talk about that really openly.
The other question I want to address is, “Why can’t we just say all lives matter?” Cause I’ve seen a lot of that, right? Why can’t we just say that we support equality for all? I understand that question because I had a very powerful conversation among my team earlier this week. I’m so fortunate because I have the most beautiful, supportive, brilliant open-minded diverse team on the planet. I have women on my team who are black, who are brown, who are white, who are a little bit of everything.
We had some awkward, tense conversations around how we were feeling and what our questions were. Lauren, on my team – who happens to be a black woman – said, “I want to explain to you why we’re talking about Black Lives Matter. Imagine if there was a fire on any given street and the firefighters show up and they start spraying water on that house. But then the neighbors come in and say, wait, time out. My house caught on fire three years ago. Is there any way that you can spray some water on my house too? Just so it doesn’t happen again. And then a couple more neighbors pipe in and say, ‘You know what, is there any way you could just actually spray the neighborhood because none of us want our houses to burn down? And we certainly don’t want this house that’s currently on fire to burn down, but let’s just protect all of them.’ No, the fire department would never react that way. They’re going to take care of the house that is currently up in flames, right? And so that is why we are currently talking about black lives matter. That is the house that is currently up in flames, right?”
So when we asked that question, “Why can’t we just say all lives matter?” that for me was something that I was able to really tangibly understand. We can talk about all lives matter; the house that’s burning down right now though is within our black community. And so having that poignant conversation to say, yes, absolutely all lives matter, but this is the area that needs us most. This is why the conversation is headed that direction. So I hope that that provides some clarity for those of you who were lost and confused.
The other thing that hit me really hard this last week is that I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I feel like I’m very much starting at square one because what I thought was acceptance and anti-racism isn’t. And now that I know that I have so much work to do and I’m here for it, but I wanted to share that analogy with others who may feel like they’re in the same boat as me, that we were just a little bit ignorant or under educated or under-informed or whatever it was. It’s okay to not understand. And for those of you who might’ve been embarrassed to ask the question elsewhere, or truly were like, “I’m just going to say all lives matter cause that’s how I feel,” I get it, but just so that you know, that’s why the conversation of Black Lives Matter is so poignant today.
Another question that a lot of us are asking is, “What should we post on social media right now?” I want to first share a quote that my girl crystal, and I’m gonna share her Instagram handle, @chrystalhairandmakeup. She shared a very poignant post on our Facebook group that I want to share with you. And then I want to share my opinion and my advice about what to post on social media right now.
Crystal happens to be a black woman and she says, “I say do what feels right and true to you. Here are my thoughts. And for anybody who knows me for the moment I joined this platform in this industry, I’ve always felt like I’m an outsider. If we want to be better, we have to do better. I always do what I do out of love. I believe the best way is always education.
“So here’s my stance. One of the most segregated places in the world are hair salons. I’ve been a hairstylist for 11 years now and I do all hair. When I came into this industry, I wanted to understand everything there was about hair. I knew hair had no skin color, only texture. I knew I truly wanted to be the best. And I had to understand all texture and hair types to be the best. If I wanted to be successful, I knew I didn’t have the privilege to choose not to learn how to do all types of hair. I’ve had several people reach out and ask me what they can do as a hairstylist. You can join the conversation about why in the beauty industry is it okay to have little or no diverse representation on almost every platform, every national stage, every hair show, every virtual education platform, every distribution website, every online education platform.
“Why I have to dive deep to find a product brand that works on all hair types or has a model or three on their website that represents me. And no one ever says a word! Why 95% of the time I’m the only person that looks like me in the room when I’m taking a class and rarely does the instructor look like me either. #letsbereal”
That, for me, helped on my quest to gain a greater understanding. For sure. I can’t imagine going through life feeling every day, like an outsider, to sit in a classroom and feel like an outsider. Every time you take the seat to feel like, “Why am I the only person who chooses to master all hair textures?”
That comment for me really helped me to gain some perspective. So to Crystal, thank you so much for sharing this openly. I asked Crystal if I could share it on the podcast. And she graciously said yes.
I had a lot of breakthrough moments just in reading her caption. I’d never been somebody who had to sit in a classroom and feel like the outsider. When she says, “I knew hair had no skin color, only texture,” it raised the question for me of why as a hair stylist wouldn’t I learned to work with all textures? Because that’s really what it’s about.
Listen, I may say that and some of you were like, “Cause I don’t want to do it.” Okay. That’s totally fine. I understand that. But what Crystal is saying is please try and put yourself in my position where you never feel included. Why you always feel like you’re the odd man out. And to what she said, join the conversation as to why we should all be more diverse. Why we should all be more inclusive for her. That is the most powerful thing that you can do.
What I’ve learned when it comes to wondering what are we supposed to post? Because I know a lot of people are saying, “Okay, do I do the week of silence?” where you don’t post anything and just observe, which happened to be finishing up now. Great if that works for you. “Do I do #blackouttuesday?” And all these questions came up. “What am I supposed to do?”
I want you to take the word supposed to and throw it in the trash can because it’s not about ‘supposed to.’ What I’ve learned is we need more than anything to just show up with an outpouring of love and open acceptance. It doesn’t have to be a perfect poignant quote. It doesn’t have to be in line or on-trend with what anybody else is doing. It just has to be an authentic – I don’t think I’ve done anything on-trend, whatever that’s supposed mean. Because to me, it’s not authentic.
There was a couple of things that came up of like, “Oh, well, should we do this?” And I said, “I don’t even know what that means.” I’m not just going to do something to do it. If I don’t understand what I’m doing, I’m not just going to fake it till I figure it out. I’m just going to figure it out. So it’s not about doing supposed to; it’s about being authentically yourself.
Which when I say that, I hope it was a light bulb moment of oh shoot, wasn’t the whole point of social media always to be authentic. Yeah. And at some point, we swayed away from that.
This is not actually revolutionary. It’s the end of an era where everything is just like perfect and poised and follows a template. Like we’re being pushed to actually just be human. That’s where a lot of the discomfort is coming from.
So for me, I’m choosing to make a long-term change to my business. Based on newfound awareness, I’ve realized the flaws in my programs and the way I speak and teach, and all of the gaps that I’ve created. I need to be more fully inclusive with my brand overall, in my education and the services listed in my Perfect Price Point module, and all of these things. So for me, there is no short-term fix. This is a long-term journey and I’m here for it. So to jump on a trend, just doesn’t make sense for me. I even use the word “trend” loosely because who the heck knows what that is, but it’s not in line with what I’m doing, so I’m not going to do it.
That being said, what I just shared might not be authentic to you, so don’t do that. I’m not telling you what to do. I’m saying do you. That is the name of the game on social media today and always. Believe me when I say I am not trying to shame you for saying something for staying silent too, saying a little bit of something or saying the wrong thing or, or doing something that felt like a trend. If that felt authentic to you, I commend you. All that I ask is that you choose to be real.
If you need to take some time to learn – which is what I had to do – If you have to take some time to learn, that is okay. But my ask of you is that you do evolve and you do change. And you just take a look at the way you are showing up and make sure that it’s always coming from an authentic and open place.
The next question I get a lot – and this is something that’s paralyzing for a lot of people. I will say, this is not something that I feared. I can see why it would feel scary, but the question of “What if I’m shamed? What if I do something wrong? And then in public told I’m wrong or somebody in my chair’s upset? Like you embarrass yourself in front of a client or somebody on my team is upset. Like you offend somebody who works with you or for you. So what would you do in that situation?”
If you do something wrong, wouldn’t you take the correction and say you’re sorry? Just like, if you messed up any other time, if you were six years old and dropped a plate in your mom’s kitchen and shattered it everywhere, what would you do? You would apologize and you’d clean up the mess and you would do better next time. It’s the same. This is just simple life skills.
You guys, the thing is, it feels radical because we’re being asked to speak out about things that had gone unspoken, right? We’re stepping into uncharted new territory. And so it all feels very new. And for me it felt that way too. But what I’ve learned is like, okay, but you have manners and you have common sense. And all of those things still apply. It’s just the topic and the conversation and the realness and the vulnerability.
And if you guys haven’t listened to Brené Brown, she coaches to vulnerability and it’s about all of this. It’s about exposing who you really are and that is a scary feeling. That’s understandable, but it doesn’t mean it’s okay not to just open up and make some mistakes.
If that’s what has to happen for me, if somebody says something that feels like shaming or could be perceived as shaming – because believe you me, I have not done everything right and I’ve gotten some feedback about that, but none of it felt like shaming – I’m choosing to take it as education. Because if somebody reaches out to me and says I did something wrong, or what I did was perceived as wrong, I don’t think it’s a personal attack. I think somebody is truly trying to voice their own opinion and help me out. I don’t think it’s coming from any other place. I’m choosing to have the mindset of taking it that way.
This was another post in my Facebook group and I won’t share who it was from, I don’t know that she would want me to, but I want to share what she said. She said, “I am so sorry, but I have been majorly struggling. I am very well aware that this is not about me in any way, shape, or form, but I also feel like I cannot say the right thing right now. Everything I say is dissected. I’ve been very honest with my audience that I have a lot of room to grow in this. And I’m just trying to show that I am trying to learn and grow.”
I mean, can we relate? Has anybody else have that feel? Then she says, “This being said, I posted something about growth and learning, and I got DMS about how ignorant that was. I’m clearly not an expert in racism, so I can’t speak to that. I can’t speak to trying to learn because it comes off as ignorant, but I better not stay silent either. I feel like I’m following all the rules and none of the rules all at the same time.” I mean, anybody when I read that, can any of you, are you nodding your head reading along? She says, “I also saw somebody calling people who posted the black box on blackout Tuesday as being lazy and taking the easy way out. For me, it feels totally unfair. People don’t know what I am doing or what I’m working towards. I’m just trying to do my best. I did post to my stories that if any of my clients matched my $50 donation, I would give them a free product from my in-salon selection that actually went over really well and made me feel good. It was a small, actionable step that I could make. Does anybody have any advice?”
For me, I think that you learned a lot. I think that you’re being open and you’re feeling all the feels and you made a really brave choice. What I would say to you is many of us are ignorant and we’re realizing that and what I commend you for speaking your truth. It is okay to take that feedback and learn from it, and then we kind of have to let go and choose to move forward and choose to let that be our inspiration to educate. When you did something that did get good feedback and made you feel good and made you feel like it was a small, actionable step, for me, I want to encourage you all to do what causes action.
So whatever that is for you, if doing that in your Instagram stories felt good and you saw positive action, not just reaction, but actual action, people were taking steps, then you’re doing the right thing. Cause that’s the whole point and purpose, right?
That’s why I say, there’s no rule book for this. So if you were hoping to listen to this episode and you’re like, “Oh my gosh, perfect. Britt is going to give us the six steps to navigating this time,” that’s not a thing. Nobody’s going to be doing that. But it’s about listening and being authentic and finding what causes people to take action and to feel with an open heart. Then you’re going to be on the right track.
I personally am learning a lot from Monique Melton right now. If you have not found her on Instagram, I have full faith that you will. I think she has picked up over 120,000 followers at the time of this recording, just since I started following her a few days ago. And it’s because her message is so poignant. It’s one that is easy to understand no matter who you are, at least from my perspective. She’s certainly worth checking out. If you Google her, she has a lot of great resources, a podcast. She has paid training, she has free trainings, her Instagram posts even are really effective. She shows a lot of information.
One of the things that she showed that really hit home for me on Instagram last week was that if she comments on somebody’s post and she says something that could be perceived as negative, it’s a correction, not a condemnation. She says, I’m truly not trying to be mean to you, but I’m not going to not correct you because I know more than you, right. Which is what we’d call what an educator. And if we’re all here to learn, take it that way, take it as I want to help us all refine our focus so that we can actually make an impact. That’s how I’m choosing to take it.
Like I mentioned earlier in the episode, I had a really powerful conversation with my own team last week. We had women of all backgrounds in the room. I have women who work for me who are black, Hispanic, white. And listen, if, when I say some of those words, you’re like, “Oh my gosh. And even in the fact that she said that that’s uncomfortable, this is racist.” So I asked that question because I wasn’t sure, and we’ll talk about that this episode too. But everybody in the room had very raw conversations, even though we came from diverse backgrounds and had really different experiences. And I admitted in that room that when I teach in person on a stage digitally, whatever, I don’t shift my message based on the people in the room. For me, my message is the same.
It’s almost speaking like the universal language. Like the principles stand no matter who you are. That’s always been my take on my methodology. So Lauren, who I mentioned earlier in this episode is a black woman and she spoke up and said, “I have to be honest with you. It makes me upset to hear you say that. Why wouldn’t you shift when you’re speaking to a room full of black stylists versus white stylists?” And my answer was it truly never crossed my mind and she, and I talked it through and I can see where her frustration came from. But in the conversation, I think she could see I truly didn’t know better. Like it wasn’t trying to be inclusive, offensive. I wasn’t trying to be anything. I was doing my best with the knowledge I had. And through talking through, we both learned a lot. And in that experience, it taught me that it’s okay, that I’ve made mistakes, and it’s okay to not have all the answers, and I can learn a lot and grow a lot. And she can too, just by having open conversations with each other.
If you’re like, “I don’t even know where to start,” just start and trust me, I’ve been through it too. The more conversations you have and the more resources you find, it starts to become much easier because once you have the education, you have the confidence and it stops being awkward.
Then the question becomes, “Well, what can I say?” I’ve spoken to my team, to my Thrivers, my followers, because I had the same questions too. I wanted to make sure that I was saying the right words and, and using the right tone and all of the things.
What I’ve learned is it’s okay to say that a black woman is a black woman because she is. It’s okay to use the phrase black community. It’s okay for me to say that in the Latin culture, branding is different because it is different. And that is the truth.
One of the things that I asked about that I got some feedback on is that using the phrase or the acronym, POC, people of color, isn’t speaking directly to black lives matter, the black community in general. You’re speaking to all people of color. While it’s not offensive or wrong, it’s not necessarily on tone with what we are experiencing right now. The reason I bring it up is because I think people are substituting it in. I’m watching it happen. I think people are substituting in the acronym, POC because they’re afraid of saying things like black man, black woman, black community.
What I’ve learned is it’s better to just speak to the accurate truth. It’s okay to say those things because those are truths. So if you’re using the acronym POC in another way, that’s fine. If you’re using it to describe people of color, that’s fine. But if you’re using it as a substitute, I would instead use the correct verbiage. It’s something that I’ve learned over the last week. So I just wanted to share that as well.
And then let’s talk about the protests. I live in the San Francisco Bay area and it is something that has affected my team, myself. We are under a curfew because there have been protests. You know, San Francisco Bay area is like one community on top of each other and every evening, we’re seeing them in different communities throughout. For me, what I’ve learned is there’s a drastic difference between protesting and looting. I think at some point, those two things got blended together.
Those who loot and those who protest aren’t necessarily the same and often aren’t. I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve seen videos where peaceful protesters actually fight off looters and make them leave because they don’t want that to taint or tarnish what they’re trying to accomplish. They want their voices to be heard. They don’t want to rob a store. I’m seeing the drastic between the two and all of this came from anger and frustration. I cannot support anybody who’s vandalizing or destroying businesses or using as this is an opportunity just to be blindly destructive because somehow a door has opened to do so. That being said, I just would ask that you do what I’ve learned over the last week in that just because it’s a protest doesn’t mean it’s also looting. Even though we’re preparing for such in many of our communities, there is a drastic difference between somebody who wants their voice to be heard and somebody who wants to be destructive. There is some crossover, but a lot of it is two very different groups of people.
If you’re scared for the safety of your business, the other thing I gently ask you to remember is that that’s how our black community feels every day when they send a son or a husband or a brother or a friend out the door to have what should be a normal day. A woman on my team Adrena mentioned to me last week and it really hit home. I checked in with her to see how she was doing. She’s a black woman and I reached out and I just said, “How are you doing? Do you feel like you can have these conversations right now? Do you need to take a step back? How’s your family?” She said, “Thanks for checking in. I’m doing okay. The scariest thing for me is I have to be worried when my husband leaves our home because I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m worried about the conversation that my kids are asking me because they’re scared. I’m worried that if we go out to the grocery store and somebody gives me a side-eye, what’s going to happen next.”
I’m having a lot of these conversations with people who go through things that I’ve never personally experienced. So when we have some of those fears and feelings about we don’t know what’s going to happen next, we don’t know if it’s going to work out today, part of what is being demonstrated in these protests is there are people who feel like that every day in the black community, beyond. These are real feelings. I’m not saying that it’s okay, I’m saying it has to stop, but if you feel those feelings or if you’re watching a protest and you’re like, “I can’t believe this is happening,” I want you to just take a step back and remember the why, how we got here, why this all started.
If you hear that protests or even looting is coming to your specific area, the best thing you can do – somebody asks how to communicate with clients – reach out personally, explain exactly what’s going on, what you’ve heard.
It’s your responsibility to be informed. It’s your responsibility to be a strong voice.
For me, I actually had an appointment last week, my doctor’s appointment and my doctor’s office reached out to me and said, “We are expecting peaceful protests in our area due to start two hours after your appointment. But for your safety, what we’ve decided to do is move your appointment earlier.” All it was is they were having a conversation with me so that I felt like I was taken care of, because for me, I had heard that there was protests in the area. I’m not blind to what’s going on, but I didn’t know how they were going to react. I was like, “Oh my gosh, am I still going to have my doctor’s appointment? Or should I reschedule? Or what is happening now?” And so just to have somebody reach out and say, “Hey, we all know what’s happening. This is how we’re reacting. That’s what you need to do.”
Instead of just being like, “I’m just going to hope my clients catch word or I’ll post about it on social media and they’ll see it,” just be bold enough to have the conversation and say this is what’s going on, this is how I’m taking care of you as my guest. I look forward to seeing you in my chair. Just have the conversation and speak to exactly what you know. It’s the very best thing you can do.
So when we take a look at what’s next, right? All of what I talked about kind of speaks to exactly the temperature right now and what we’re going through in the conversations that are being had. So what’s next? Because a lot of people say, “Until we get back to normal…” This is the normal, you guys. There is no ‘go back to normal’. Just like there was no ‘go back to normal’ after the pandemic, this is the new normal. We’re stepping into a new chapter. You will see a shift in social media overall big time. All platforms will be less about being perfect and more about being real, which is so ironic because how many of you have said forever “I just wish we didn’t have to be so perfect on social media and everything. Wasn’t so curated and stock photos. And I just, I wish it was easier.” Okay, you got it.
Now social media is about speaking from the heart and it doesn’t mean you don’t promote your business. I’m still going to promote my business. It doesn’t mean that you don’t still talk about yourself and have some of the conversations you’ve had for your entire lifetime. That’s you, that’s authentically. You, you do more of that. Not less of that, but you have to show up as more of authentically you.
For those of you who’ve been following me for a long time, I am guarded. I’ve always been guarded and I’m going to have to learn myself to be more authentic and more educated and more real and not just trying to fit into a mold, right?
For right now, it’s not about following a format or a script. It’s about supporting your business and your life and your community with an open and honest heart, whatever that looks like to you. A lot of you and I do not share the same beliefs. That’s what makes us all human man. That’s what makes this world go round. It doesn’t mean we all have to share the same belief system. It means we all have to be honest and real. The curtain has been lifted. The fake stuff has gone away. It started going away during the pandemic and now through this huge social injustice issue, the curtain has been lifted and it’s time to be real and it’s going to be uncomfortable. It’s going to take some time to learn, to have these very different conversations, but I encourage you to learn to do so. This is a new skill set.
I’m going to be learning and adjusting as well, and I encourage you to find the balance and to just ask yourself every day, “How can I show up authentically? How can I not be tone deaf? How can I have real conversations? How can I make my clients feel comfortable? How can I make my clients feel accepted? How could I make my clients feel like I am a strong person in my community? How can I make my clients feel like I am the best stylists they could possibly see, ask those questions?”
You’ll find your answer in that. You’ll lead the way. What I asked you not to do is to feel pressure to do anything because that is not what this is about. This is about being authentic and that’s it. At the end of the day, don’t try and be somebody or not. Don’t try and do something you’re not inclined to do, be authentic in whatever that means.
You guys. I look forward to being back with you next week with more strategy. So much love, happy business building. I’ll see you on the next one.
