Intro: Do you feel like you were meant to have a kick-ass career as a hair stylist? Like you got into this industry to make big things happen?
Maybe you’re struggling to build a solid base and want some stability. Maybe you know social media is important, but it feels like a waste of time because you aren’t seeing any results. Maybe you’ve already had some amazing success but are craving more. Maybe you’re ready to truly enjoy the freedom and flexibility this industry has to offer.
Cutting and coloring skills will only get you so far, but to build a lifelong career as a wealthy stylist, it takes business skills and a serious marketing strategy. When you’re ready to quit, just working in your business and start working on it, join us here, where we share real success stories from real stylists.
I’m Britt Seva, social media and marketing strategist just for hair stylists, and this is the Thriving Stylist Podcast.
Britt Seva: What is up and welcome back to the Thriving Stylist Podcast. I’m your host Britt Seva. I’m going to give you a warning right at the top of this episode. This is not a typical Thriving Stylist Podcast episode. This is a very woo-woo podcast episode.
If you’ve been following me for many years, you know that there is a side of me that’s very into intuition and signs and listening to what is presented to you and the fact that I believe there is a universal energy that is at play each day when we live our lives. I know that that mindset and that process is not for everybody, and that’s why I try not to infuse it in my very strategic business building coaching.
However, that is my mindset. It is something that I know a lot of people who do choose to coach with me and work with me gravitate towards. It’s something I talked about very openly in the earlier years of my coaching.
I recently experienced a life event that has caused me to get back to a very woo-woo place. In channeling all of that energy, I believe that this episode is super important and it’s one that’s on my heart. If this doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, no worries. I’ll be back next week with something much more traditional.
But for those of you who do like my episodes that are more about mindset and woo-woo and energy in the universe and signs and crazy stuff that nobody would believe, you are in for a treat.
This is an episode I’m essentially recording off the cuff. The audio might be rough. I don’t have my usual professional setup. I’m curled up in my room and I wanted to record this as a very timely podcast; something very vulnerable and sincere and open and honest, which– vulnerability is very tough for me, but I’m trying to tap in. I know often these off the cuff episodes end up being the best. So here’s to having this be what it will be.
13 days ago, I suffered a loss that is still very difficult to understand. My best friend of 27 years passed away very suddenly, very unexpectedly. I’m not going to get into a ton of detail, but it was in a way that she had no control over, nobody saw coming. We still don’t quite understand. It was like she was here and she was gone.
A lot of people have best friends and some people are blessed with amazing sisters. For me, the relationship I had with Caroline was very different than all of those things. She was more of another life partner to me. It’s difficult to explain. She is the longest standing relationship I’ve ever had in my lifetime.
I had a lot of bumps in the road growing up as a child. Here’s a vulnerable confession. My biological father was a drug addict and he and my mother split up when I was very young. My mother and I stopped speaking when I was 18 and my father, who my mother married when I was young, passed away when I was 20.
So Caroline was truly the longest standing relationship in my life. She’s the only person who knows me deeply from childhood. When I say it’s a massive unexpected loss, and you talk about losing a best friend, that would be painful for anybody. But for me, it was almost like losing my entire family in one day. Everybody beyond my family of 4 that I live with, it feels like I lost it all. The void that was created was massive.
When her husband came over to let my husband and I know; it was shocking, infuriating, devastating, all the things. But if you’ve ever experienced traumatic loss or grief, it’s really incredible the journey that your mind goes through. It’s not what you’d expect. It’s very unpredictable. Within probably 10 minutes of him telling us this had happened, we were all literally laying on our kitchen floor crying. It was horrible.
Within 10 minutes, I sat up and I said, oh my gosh, the text message she sent me last night! It hit me right then and there. I said, nope, not the time or place, Brittany. I caught myself and I didn’t say anything further. But I’m actually going to share with you all the text message that she sent me the night before she passed. I do this because for me, it was able to gift me a little bit of closure, a whole lot of hope, and some resolve to this massive question of why the heck did this have to happen to a mother of two beautiful young babies?
So I’m actually gonna read you the exact text. This was sent, wow, 11 and a half hours before she passed. She asked me about the upcoming T-ball game that our sons were playing in that weekend. Then the next text she sends through says, “Also, I have a book recommendation for us from a friend at school. This sounds right up our alley if you haven’t read it yet. I’m going to read this one, and then the author has a second one. I’m thinking we should do a book club where we read it together at the same time and then meet and discuss over a glass of wine. Of course, Winky face. The book is called The Light Between Us: Stories From Heaven, Lessons for the Living. It’s written by Laura Lynne Jackson.”
That is the last message my best friend sent to me.
When I think about that, I don’t think that’s by mistake and I don’t think that she knew this was coming. She couldn’t have. But I do think that the universe or whomever you believe in may have known. That was, I think, a small gift to me to give me hope. I do believe that it was something that I was intended to share with others who are grieving loss, that there is hope.
The book is all about understanding that when somebody is gone in physical form, there is still an energetic and an emotional and a very spiritual way to connect and to love and allow their energy to live on. It’s not a big book, but it is taking me a very long time to read it. I’m reading it with a lot of intention.
But the fact that the night before she passed, that is what she chose to send to me is very poignant. She and I did certainly have the same belief system, but this is not something we talked about all the time. It’s been years since we’ve talked about something like this.
The reason that I share this with you is that I think it’s important to remember that even when something unexpected happens and when we try to make sense of what is nonsensical, always know that the universe will take care of you in the end and that there are resources to help and seeking answers is incredibly important.
Then if you listen closely enough, the resources and the gifts and the support will present themselves to you, and I’m trying to listen so big and find that support. But that was one piece to me that I don’t believe happened by mistake, and I hope that gives anybody out there who is dealing with grief or loss or fear a little bit of hope.
Another lesson that I learned experiencing this loss is that relationships are relative to where any of us are in our lives. I’ve always had the belief that any relationship is reason, season, lifetime. Relationship to me is family, romantic relationship, friendship, co-working relationship, parent, child. Any of it is reason, season, lifetime. We can want a relationship to be lifetime, but we’re not always gifted that.
Unfortunately I thought Caroline was going to be a lifetime for me and she ended up being reason and season. I learned so much from her. I continue to learn from her. Some of the gifts that I’ve understood in realizing that relationships are relative to the season of your life is that when you go through anything dramatic or life altering or upsetting, you find out who your people are. If you’ve ever experienced any sort of loss or gone through any sort of struggle or trouble you’ve experienced what I’m talking about.
It’s very interesting to see who I haven’t been close with in years, who was all in. Who I thought that I was close to, who was all out. It’s a fascinating thing, and it makes you reevaluate quality of relationships over quantity. It makes you really start to think, wow, am I cultivating truly healthy relationships, healthy habits, healthy conversations? Or am I spinning my wheels about things that I really shouldn’t be investing my time, energy, or effort in? That has been a revelation for me in the last few weeks. I encourage you to not have to have that traumatic event to do the same. Evaluate who’s in your life.
I saw a really great quote about how it’s important to reciprocate love to those who reciprocate it to you and to never chase a relationship and to not invest in a relationship that is vapid. I have found myself pouring a lot of myself almost into an empty vessel of a relationship because the vessel looks really great on the outside, or I liked some of the perks of being around the vessel. But pouring into that emptiness is so unhealthy. At the end of the day, the relationships that matter are those that are really deep and run thick and where there’s a real basis for love and understanding.
Just know that relationships change over time. It’s how they’re meant to be. Very few relationships are lifetime, although we like to think that most of them would be. Reason and season are the most common relationships we experience in our life. Choose to seek out the reason you’re connected to any person and go all in on the season that is presenting itself to you.
Next is lesson number 3: everybody is fighting a battle that we can’t understand. This is something that a lot of us have heard before. We know it to be true. But again, this was one that really slapped me in the face that you think you know, but you have no idea.
As I say that, I’m not alluding to the fact that my friend was doing anything that I wasn’t aware of. I knew everything that she was up to. It’s not even about that. She was my yoga friend. She was the healthiest friend I ever had. She was inspiring to me. She was everything and more.
But when you look at those around and assumptions that anybody makes about any sort of person, opportunity, relationship dynamic, we’re all making assumptions and passing judgment all the time. I found that I had done that. I had assumed things were one way and come to find out that they’re another. It’s really important that you don’t make assumptions about anybody or anything whenever possible.
When you find yourself casting judgment–this is something I’m going to moving forward. We are naturally, as human beings, really good at casting judgment, excellent at it. Creating stories around what is the reality based on the little bits and pieces of information that we have. I’m going to choose to be active in the way I connect. If I see something that I don’t understand, rather than getting angry or pointing fingers or passing judgment, I’m gonna stop and say, Hey, listen, this is something I’m curious about. Can you tell me more? I’m going to start saying, ‘can you tell me more?’ a lot.
Because I think a couple things: I think sometimes people are looking for ways to express more, share more, connect more, but often we’re afraid to have the conversation; afraid of what they might say or afraid that they’ll shut us down when we try and open it up.
Who gives a rip? Open it up anyway, and just say, I’m here for you. Let’s talk about it. I’m here to understand. Really try and break that habit of passing judgment and assuming you know what anybody else is thinking, what any other dynamic looks like, or what anybody else is going through because you don’t. You know what’s a shame is you don’t find out until it’s too late. So it’s very important that you stay open, ask the right things, and are certain not to pass judgment.
Number four, small gestures leave the biggest marks. Again, this is another thing that we know to be true, but often we forget. It’s funny… somebody that I love dearly had a baby recently, and we had the opportunity to go around the room at her baby shower and share our parenting advice. She’s a first time mama. My advice to her then is kind of the epiphany I’m having now. It’s interesting. I’m experiencing this in real time.
What I had told her back then, I said, you know, you don’t have to worry about being the Pinterest birthday party mom. You don’t have to worry about buying the best teething ring. You don’t have to worry about doing the extravagant family vacations.
None of that stuff actually matters because I’m now the parents of a child who will be 18 this year. I’ve practically raised an adult and when you ask her what she remembers most about me and how we connect, she’s like, oh, we go to Costco together. Oh, I like it when we sit in the corner of your bedroom in the chairs and have what we call meetings, which are just us sitting here, chatting.
She doesn’t say, I loved it when we went to Disneyland. She doesn’t say things like, oh, remember when you got me that double layer cake for my birthday? Because that stuff doesn’t matter. Those are the things that we do–and that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do those things. Believe you me, I’m going to take the kids to Disneyland again when I can. It’s not like that.
But what I’m saying is it’s the small gestures that make the big impact. Have you heard the saying, people don’t remember what you did or said, but they remember how you made them feel? That is so dang true, you guys. It’s not about what you do or say, it’s the way that you make somebody feel.
When I think to somebody like Caroline, and when I think to how I want to honor her, she was the friend where… I gotta be honest. I don’t remember the last birthday gift she gave me. I don’t know. I’m sure she’s missed one of my kids’ birthdays from time to time. I don’t remember though.
But what I do remember is last year I messaged her when I was having a bad day. Then she texted me three hours later and was like, Hey, when you’re in the mood, check your porch. I went to my porch and there was a giant basket of all of my favorite things. I’ll never forget that. That was a random Wednesday because she knew I needed it. That’s the stuff that matters. It doesn’t have to be a gift basket. It can be a message. It can be a DM. It can be saying something when you don’t know what to say.
Same thing for your clients, you guys. When you’re thinking about, okay, what should I do to make my clients feel special? Often, we create these crazy, over the top… and then everyone gets a prize, and all of these really complex things and that’s fine. There’s something to be said for that too, and that’s great. But it’s often the little unexpected moments that leave the biggest impact on anybody’s life.
If you’re a salon owner, what can you do for just one stylist in your building? Not what benefit can you release to everybody? What can you just do for Jenna? What can you do for her to let her know how much she’s valued? That’s the stuff that matters and that’s what’s memorable at the end of the day.
Next lesson: take the leap of faith. It’s funny because, gosh, I think I shared this on a recent podcast episode. Oh my gosh. I know I did! In the mask episode, I was talking about this. Caroline and I had just had the chance to have our first girl’s day out since the pandemic started, so over a year. I live in California; everything is still very shut down here. So we got a chance to go out and connect and do something really nice together.
When we were at this wine tasting, she had mentioned to me that she really wanted to start a business, and that she’d been thinking about it for a long time, and she knew what it was going to be. Meanwhile, she’s a full-time special education teacher impacting thousands of lives. Overachiever, much? No surprise that these are the kind of people I surround myself with.
She was like, I want to start this business. I was like, girl, do it! Ask me for advice. I’ll help you. I was like, I’ll be your first client. You can do trial runs on me. I’ll still pay you, but I’ll be your testimonials. I was all in. I watched her be like, yeah, but the timing isn’t right, and what if I don’t do it right, and I’ll do it later.
She never got a chance to do it later. I’m still trying to figure out a way to make that possible for her because I think it’s so important. But I think, had she known that time was limited, she would’ve made a different choice there.
So one of the things I want to pass on is remember you’re not guaranteed tomorrow. Don’t let fears and logistics and what ifs and what if people think this is stupid… don’t worry about any of that. Who cares? You’re living this lifetime for you, and that is what matters. Take the leap. Don’t let any fears hold you back. You don’t know how much time you’re gifted. Make the most of every drop you have.
Next, this is our second to last one, guys: get your finances and your paperwork in order. There are so many things that so many of us put on the back burner. I chuckle because, myself included. There’s so many adulting things that suck, that just aren’t fun. Thinking about insurances and retirement and will and trust and making all kinds of different arrangements. All of that is so super important.
Often it’s one of those things that we don’t prioritize at all because we say, well, I have more time. Well, that sounds hard. Well, I don’t want to do it. Well, I don’t know where to start. Figure it the heck out. That is certainly what I’m in the middle of doing is making sure–and you guys know me. I am organized, I talk about this kind of stuff.
But going through something like this makes you realize, but am I prepared? Am I really? Am I thinking that I have another 50 years and that’s what I’m preparing for? Or am I preparing to make sure that no matter what happens, my family is safe? That is so incredibly important. Caroline, to her credit, did a really good job of that. But it was such a reminder to me to be like, you know what, there is no excuses. We have to get this done.
Last but not least, being happy takes work. This was such a reminder to me that often we live life disgruntled or gossiping or worried about jealousy or being negative or doing what I just said a minute ago, saying, well, things will get better in the future. Or, if these things happen, then I’ll be happy.
No. There’s no external thing that’s going to make you happy. You are going to make you happy. You and you alone, truly. That is the only way to find joy, choosing healthy relationships, choosing to be present, and release anything from the past. The past is gone.
You can forgive and forget. You can forgive, but not forget. You can choose not to forgive, but it’s done now. So the best you can do is live in the present and release any anger or frustration or whatever from the past. It’s not doing anything for you. It’s weighing you down like a ball and chain you’re dragging behind you. Let that go.
Choose to focus on what is possible instead of what is the present state. That’s something I try and talk about a lot, but man, if I didn’t see fully in front of my face, how important that is. Instead of saying I’m limited by X, Y, or Z, you’re not limited by anything. You’re limited by as far as you’ll allow your mind to dream.
Dream big. Take actions. Don’t wait. Take the leap. Being miserable is really easy and it will cause you to look back on life with regret. Life is too damn short to live that way. Choose joy and live big with every day you have.
I’m going to close this out with a quote that Caroline loved. She has it hanging over her baby daughter’s bedroom. She gave it to me on a keychain when she found out she was pregnant with a girl. It says, she believed she could, and so she did. I hope that that beautiful message from my very best friend resonates with you today and always. You guys, so much love, happy business building, and I’ll see you on the next one.
